Tuesday, 25 August 2009


Not my parents, of course. I'm talking about the library again. I've noticed that most parents of young children can be grouped into a couple of major categories. Which follow.

The Ventriloquist

e child answers any questions through their parents' mouth...it's magic! Example:

Me: What's your name sweetie/honey/mate?
Child: A-
Parent: Alex Jenkins. We're on our 5th book.

Yep, because the child can't speak. It gets worse though, because I'll be all "did you enjoy your book?" and they'll say...Alex didn't like it.

FOR GOD'S SAKE. I'm not assessing you, I'm chatting to your brat! Be quiet! I'm not asking questions because I'm interested in the book, I'm trying to get your kid to speak, so let them for goodness sake.
On a related note, you have no idea how many times I've heard the plot of 101 dalmations this summer.
Of course, the exception is when the child is shy. Then I'll forgive them, because I don't want anybody to start crying on my beat.

The Translator
ask a question directly to the kid. The parent then asks the same question in the same words, as if I'm speaking in a foreign language. Helloooo, I'm talking here! IN YOUR LANGUAGE.


Me: Hey, what's your name please?
Parent: What's your name Ewan?
Ewan: Ewan.
Me: Last name?
Parent: What's your last name Ewan?
Ewan: Ewan McGregor.

No, Ewan McGregor wasn't there. D'be cool if he was though.

Again, sometimes it's neccessary, because the child won't answer to ANYBODY but mom, but the vast majority of the time THEY'RE FINE. STOP TRANSLATING.

Hmm. I kind of can't be bothered. I'll finish this up in another post...it will probably be called Parents II, but don't be disappointed if it isn't.

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