Sunday, 30 August 2009

Okay so,

I'm sorry. But I sold out and put music on my page, DESPITE the fact that I hate having to listen to other people's music, DESPITE the fact that it's really, really annoying.

But hey, there it is. If you don't like it, press pause.

Saturday, 29 August 2009


Addenendum to the last post: I felt like the film had been MASSIVELY cut to make a time limit. Just a theory.

I think I need a hug.

The alternate title for this blog? Something along the lines of fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

But a) that would be over-swearing and b) I gave myself a few seconds so my thoughts would clarify.

So I've actually decided that it would bore anybody who tried to read this thing, so I'm skipping the emotional outpouring. Trust me when I say to the average human being, it bore you until all your senses failed.

Let's talk about something else! The Time Travelers Wife!
(Note that I spelt it the American way. I'm not happy about it, but that's how they spelt it in the film, so...)

Yeah, I went to see the film today. I have two points about it:


It was a damn clever plot. I'd imagine the writers got a bit of a headache trying to keep a hold on all the many time strings. Plus they took on that bugger, time travel. Admittedly they didn't really explain the whole "I can't change things" concept very well - I think an example would have shown it better, but at least there weren't any plot holes or headaches on the whole "changing things" thing.

And now I've confused everyone, let's move on to this more ranty point:


I was hideously, ridiculously bored during most of this film. They basically skipped over all of their relationship, all of the juicy parts, for a really rapid hyperjump through time...they spanned something like 40 years in one film! There's no way you can go in depth like that, so you couldn't really *feel* their relationship. So it wasn't *that* sad when (spoiler! highlight to read.) Henry died at the end. Although I maybe had a little tear. I cry at everything.

Okay, overall? I'd give it like, a 5/10. Kudos for the effort.

Over and out xxx

Tuesday, 25 August 2009


Not my parents, of course. I'm talking about the library again. I've noticed that most parents of young children can be grouped into a couple of major categories. Which follow.

The Ventriloquist

e child answers any questions through their parents''s magic! Example:

Me: What's your name sweetie/honey/mate?
Child: A-
Parent: Alex Jenkins. We're on our 5th book.

Yep, because the child can't speak. It gets worse though, because I'll be all "did you enjoy your book?" and they'll say...Alex didn't like it.

FOR GOD'S SAKE. I'm not assessing you, I'm chatting to your brat! Be quiet! I'm not asking questions because I'm interested in the book, I'm trying to get your kid to speak, so let them for goodness sake.
On a related note, you have no idea how many times I've heard the plot of 101 dalmations this summer.
Of course, the exception is when the child is shy. Then I'll forgive them, because I don't want anybody to start crying on my beat.

The Translator
ask a question directly to the kid. The parent then asks the same question in the same words, as if I'm speaking in a foreign language. Helloooo, I'm talking here! IN YOUR LANGUAGE.


Me: Hey, what's your name please?
Parent: What's your name Ewan?
Ewan: Ewan.
Me: Last name?
Parent: What's your last name Ewan?
Ewan: Ewan McGregor.

No, Ewan McGregor wasn't there. D'be cool if he was though.

Again, sometimes it's neccessary, because the child won't answer to ANYBODY but mom, but the vast majority of the time THEY'RE FINE. STOP TRANSLATING.

Hmm. I kind of can't be bothered. I'll finish this up in another will probably be called Parents II, but don't be disappointed if it isn't.

Friday, 21 August 2009

Because my job is so fricking exciting,

A list of interesting names (and possible lives) I've found. These are all kids, so I'm probably breaching some sort of law, but really? Who cares.

FIRST OFF, a celebrity!
Yup, who'da thunk it? On the reading challenge books is a guy called Max Beesley.
I know, I got pretty excited when I saw it too.

Needless to say, the real Max Beesley is not a part of the reading challenge. Our Max is 8 years old, and ginger. But hey, I still found it quite exciting.

Tallulah Ace

'scuse the pic. I couldn't find a 6 year old spy.

Nope, not a celebrity this time. With a name like Tallulah Ace, this kid's GOTTA be a spy. I'm convinced of it. Of course at the tender age of 6 she'd be MI5's youngest ever recruit. But yeah, the gal's a hotshot agent, bound to be.

Ruby Jean Carr
Gosh I'm cruel. But hey, the search terms "ugly waitress" didn't come up with much.

Name less interesting, this time. Backstory still fully functional. Ruby Jean Carr, as far as I'm concerned, is a Scouser. She works in a caff, and has red hair, chain smokes and has a son called Stevie.

Miss Storm Farmer

No pic for this one, I can't even IMAGINE what the kid is like. But with a name like that, she's clearly from another planet, maybe one where she organises the weather for a living. And she's got silver hair and a black catsuit and I just described Storm from X-Men, didn't I?

Fine, whatever.

There were lots more interesting things about Miss Storm Farmer, but I won't publish them here. Data protection and whatnot. Eitherhow, she sounds like one cool cat, huh?

Okay, a leetle picture, just for the hell:

Right, one more, and I truly have NOTHING to say about this:

Roodi Levi Leslie Gent.

Sir, I salute you.

That's all for now, g'night folks.

A Conversation Between Nerds

Background: my friends and I all take a subject called Computing, which is basically computer programming. We all pretty much hate it, but it's kind of invaded our brains... oh and there weren't really 6 friends in the conflab. I just can't remember who said what.

So basically, != is programmy speak for not equal to, and in the language we use you end every statement ends in a semi-colon. Thus,

a != b;

would mean a is not equal to b (which totally wouldn't make sense, but whatever)


Friend 1:Y'know, I totally ended a sentence with a semi-colon the other day.
Friend 2: Omg, I do that all the time! I look up and I'm, punctuation fail.
Friend 3: I keep using not equals, you know *miming* the exclamation and the equals. Everyone just thinks I'm saying REALLY EQUALS.
Friend 4: Yeah like, OMG THIS EQUALS! But really, that doesn't make sense because the ! comes *before* the =, not the other way round.
Friend 5: Fools.
Friend 6: You guys know I have no idea what you're talking about, right?

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

So many people,


Take The Street, for example. By which I mean the TV programme. People SUCK THIS STUFF UP. THROUGH A STRAW.
And yeah, its beautiful. Gritty. Inspiring. Well choreographed, excellently scripted, cutting edge drama.

It's also incredibly boring and ridiculously depressing, but I'm the only person who notices this, because like I say, everyone loves it.

But it's so predictable. The writer (Jimmy McGovern?) has taken people's *expectations* of a realistic drama and served them up on a plate, which is naturally a ratings winner. But it's not REAL, it's cheesy. This week, Timothy Spall's character, a kind-hearted man who wouldn't hurt a fly, sleeps with Ruth Jones behind his wife's back. And then, at his wife's subsequent funeral (yep, the shock of finding out LITERALLY killed her) he delivered a speech so empowering and touching that everyone stood up and applauded him.

Don't they just ALWAYS come up with an inspiring speech?

The plot was pretty weak, the characterisation is off, but because it has the tagline of a "gritty drama" that's okay. It can make all the mistakes a TV program never should, but no-one notices.

Except me, gosh, just call me the messiah. Bob the poet, bob the prophet, i'm bob the builder!

Hmm, where did I start with this? Oh yeah, boring people. Aren't they just?


Emma x

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Seriously guys,

What have I accomplished this summer? Really? and my friend said the b-word to each other. Big deal.
That's right, after five years we now feel comfortable adding the BEST prefix to our relationship. You heard correctly, we're BEST FRIENDS now!

I do wonder if I've grown up since I was 5, seriously. And the answer I give myself is no, in fact I've probably regressed considering the uber mature 5 year olds I meet in the course of my oh-so-exciting summer work at the library.

Basically I help the brats with their reading challenge, and I can now give you a complete transcript of almost every conversation. In fact...BRB guys, I'm going to make an effort!

Well screw that. Making flow charts is so difficult; I'll just tell you instead.

Me: "Hey, have a seat. What's your name please?"
Child: "Amy"
Me: "Ok, what's your last name?"
Child: "Um..." (looks to Mom for help) "Johnson"
Me: "Ok, I'll just find your card."
*3 hours later*
Me: HERE IT IS! Woo...okay, um, so these are your 3rd and 4th books right?
Child: Um...yes?
Me: Great! So...which one was your favourite book?
Child: That one.
Me: And what happened in that one?
Child: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me: Great! And the other one?
Child: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Me: Okay, here are your silver stickers, sticker wallet, holographic card, bookmark, miscellaneous paperwork and would you mind completing a review sheet?
Child: o_0 (boggled by the fact that its raining paper)

Repeat 20 times in 3 hours and please try not to kill yourself.

Why do I set myself up for these things?

The hour and a half yesterday when they had a magician in has been the highlight of my week.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Good Morning,

It is, I think, a good morning. I got up (as always), and now I'm eating cereal.
I've brushed my hair early so it has time to regain some blomff from being brushed into submission, I've found my money for the cinema later.
Yep. I'm doing absolutely nothing.