Wednesday, 15 February 2012

I haven't felt like this in a long time and that in itself is scary enough.
The feelings kind of build on top of each other.
It starts with a vague nervousness, a waiting outside doors to check the situation, a not leaving the room until you hear the people walk past the door.

And then suddenly the thought of seeing people makes you kind of breathless and teary and sick.
And you could forseeably see yourself never leaving your room again, except for food and bathroom breaks.
And you know its irrational.
And you know (you remember that time you had an epiphany) you like people.
And it's hit you at 4:30pm, the most innocuous of times.
But suddenly you feel sick and nervous and you can't tell if you're being overdramatic and whether writing it all down is a good thing or a bad thing and then you're angry at yourself for being so pathetic and it's irrational, irrational and there is no reason why but I do not want to face the world today and possibly ever.

I am literally shaking, why is this, what the fuck, we have moved past this point, I am throwing off my duvet, leaving my room and talking to someone.

And now I'm going to post this even though I'm scared because look! All you have to do is pull yourself out of it.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

1 comment:

jessica sandoval said...

Won't you look at that? It's my life, summed up in a post! I shall send you a bouquet of flowers and chocolates and bring John Lennon back to life so he could serenade us in a private concert.