Little things.

• The way my postcode spells YOLO
• Buffy reruns on Syfy
• Montages of the medal winners on the BBC (weep)
• Sneaking a bite of my Mom's chocolate brownie cake.
• The Spice Girls rocking it in the Olympic closing ceremony. Actually just the whole ceremony in general. Standard weird British humour. Gotta love it.

Insert classic proverb here.

You shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
No, really.

When my housemate and I first discovered that he was familiar with the town I live in, one of the first things we discussed was the crazy guy who sells The Big Issue* outside Touchwood. He's kind of a Solihull staple: he yells incoherently at shoppers as they exit through the big glass doors, they try and avoid contact and ignore him. I can't imagine he sold an awful amount of magazines in his time as a seller, although I wish I'd bought one.

Crazy Big Issue Guy died this week days ago, and it's only since his death that I been able to discover there was a lot more to him than I assumed.

"I have worked with Peter for just over 5 years now, I badged him up just after he came back from the States and from then on he was one of the vendors I always referred to when discussing The Big Issue and it’s benefits to other people. Pete simply was an enigmatic and incredible type of person, his conversation was always of interest and his beliefs on the world was of intellect and understanding. He was also, even though I shouldn’t have one, my favourite vendor and I am very saddened to know he has passed away."

You can read the full article about him here.

To me, reading about Peter has really, really kicked a few things into light. The first is what I said right at the beginning of this post: I'm a hideously judgmental person, and it's not fair of me to create this persona of Crazy Big Issue Guy in my head, when it's someone I don't know at all and don't really deserve to have an opinion on.

The second is that it shouldn't matter what the book is about, to abuse the metaphor a little further. Even if the content did match the outer appearance, whatever Peter was like under the (sometimes intimidating) mask, it shouldn't have changed how I felt. I'm a dick for assuming that people with a higher intellect, or who've done stuff in life are somehow more worthy of my approval, or that I can somehow judge that some people deserve my two pounds more than others.

I'm also a dick for assuming my approval is important to anyone's life, when I so vehemently insist that I need no-one's approval to live my own.

And whilst I hate to get all ~tumblr-social-justice-brigade~11!!1! on here, it has kicked a few things into check about my own privilege, both practically as someone who isn't homeless but also on a more abstract level, as someone who thinks she's lofty enough to judge others.

And that rounds up my giant 'Emma is a dick' post. If you'll excuse me, it's 4:15 in the morning, my eyes are burning, and I have a particularly interesting fic to finish reading before my laptop gives out. So I'll conclude by saying RIP Peter Dolan. I'm sorry.

*I'm not sure how international the concept is, but here The Big Issue is a magazine sold only by homeless people, basically giving them a source of income and a chance to earn some money despite having no fixed address.

Title changed.

At first this blog was going to be called "Friday?! AGAIN?!"
And then I realised that it's the early hours of Sunday morning and yet another week has whizzed by maniacally.
I've spent an enjoyable evening throwing away my A Level notes and clearing out my drawers. It feels good.
Tomorrow I'm going to alphabetizing and reorganizing my book collection. Half of it is stored in my garage after I bought it home from uni last month and it's horrible.
One good thing about doing a Lit degree - my personal library, none of which belongs to my parents, is expanding and it's nice. I tried to explain to my sister that I'm going to have a library which starts with childrens' books...both mine and any future offsprings'...and proceeds through YA to adult, all in glorious alphabetical order. I'm excited. I don't care if I have to turn my kitchen into a library to make space. Who needs food anyway?
And that's rich coming from me.

Anyway, this week's blanks are birthday themed! I'll keep them short because I'm a miserable bastard when it comes to birthdays :)

1.  The age I will be on my upcoming birthday is: 2o. This is something that is NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALL. My brain starts screaming when I think about it, something along the lines of what no I'm not old enough to be an adult, leave me alone! 

Luckily my birthday isn't till June, so I have a while to come to terms with such an earth-shatteringly large number.

20. Ugh.

2.   The best birthday present ever would be: plane tickets and a years' worth of hotels in North America. Then I could finally meet all my internet friends, go to ComicCon AND go to LeakyCon all in one tasty tasty bundle. That would be so awesome I'd die.

3.  My favourite birthday to date was: hm. This year was pretty good, because we skipped the concept of my birthday entirely (handy,) went to the beach (fun!), got drunk, came home, got drunker and then went to bed. Crucially, though, the fact that it was my birthday went completely unmentioned all day long. Score.

Oh, there was also that fun time the 5th Harry Potter book got released on my 10th birthday. I had a fun day then. You can probably guess what I did. 

4. Birthdays make me feel: hideous hideous hideous. I can't wait until I'm 70 and can start ignoring them entirely. 

5. The worst birthday I ever had was: I can vividly remember having a birthday in some kind of village hall place, bursting out into tears because of all the attention and having to be driven round the block until I calmed down. It was raining. I was probably 7 or 8. It was not an enjoyable day.

6. When I was born it was either 7am or 7:19 (my mom gets mixed up between the two of us) and God knows how much I weighed or measured. It was a good day for humanity, I feel. In quiet houses across the world, the ordinary people cheered at the coming of their queen. Babies broke out in those cute gurgly smiles, cats purred, prisoners suddenly broke down in tears and repented of their sins. 

7.  So far my favourite age has been  18 was a vintage year. For the first month I was obscenely happy and settled, with a load of people I loved. Then came the longest summer of my life. And then there was the first year of uni, which was a whole new exciting and fun challenge.

Basically it's been excellent.

I've only been 19 for a month and a half but it has a lot to live up to! I look forward to whatever life chooses to fling my way before I hit the big 2-0.

After that I'll be past it, of course. But up until then.

1.  I am proud of: where I've got to in life so far and my work ethic: if work needs to be done, I will do it no questions asked. Also I'm a bit of a workaholic and I feel weird if I'm not juggling jobs, extracurriculars and education. 

2.   This weekend I will be: Nothing exciting! The gym, I'll probably go out in the evening, I have to make another banoffee pie at some point...I have reading to do, I guess! I'm ignoring it at the moment.

3.  A secret dream I have is: I'll always have that secret childhood dream of being an author. Maybe it'll happen. Maybe it won't. We shall see.

4. I can't handle: being patronised or underestimated. I'm a very laidback person in general, but if you try to treat me like a child, I will get angry. 

5. The most annoying thing in the entire world is: well that's an enormous question. 

6. The most relaxing thing in the entire world is: I know it's weird but showering! When there's hundreds and millions of stressy things on your shoulders, there's nothing better than a long hot shower to reconstitute your thoughts and calm yourself down. Such an enjoyable experience.

7.  I think everyone should: on a general level, chill out a little bit. If there weren't so many hot-headed, reactionary idiots in the world it would be a much better place. I'm not saying passion is bad, because it's not, but learning how to channel that passion and emotion into something constructive...we should do that.

Demand outstrips supply. I made banoffee pie.

In one day, my sister and I painted my nails in the prettiest of ways, upcycled some old photo frames (admittedly still in progress) and made the most beautiful banoffee pie.

Are we domestic goddesses, or are we domestic goddesses?

Anyway, normally it's not that big a deal when we bake something but this pie was glorious. We've already had two or three requests to make it for other people, and my dad's friends absolutely demolished it when they came home from a long cycle ride.

Seriously, I was gunning for a second slice, wandered in to scope out the situation and it was just gone. 


I'm going to put the recipe here, because as I say it's beautiful. The original recipe can be found here, but here's our slightly edited (and halved) version. This makes a pie that served 6 of us; I can imagine how big the full recipe must be!

Step One: The Base

• 60g butter
• 125g digestive biscuits

Step one is easy peasy: crush your biscuits to crumbs (good for anger management), melt the butter, mix it all up and press it all down into a medium sized cake tin. Refrigerate until it's cold. 

Note: We used 50g butter and there wasn't enough. I'm not sure how much extra you'd need to add but 60g should cover it!

Step Two: The 'Offee

• 50g butter
• 50g dark brown soft sugar
• Half a 397g can of condensed milk 

Melt the butter and sugar together in a saucepan until the sugar has all dissolved and it's formed a nice thick paste, then add in the condensed milk and turn the heat right up, stirring and stirring and stirring until it goes a caramel colour and a viscous texture. Pour it over your nice cold base from earlier and then whack it back in the fridge. 

Step Three: The Ban. Also the creme.

• Two bananas
• 150mls double creme 
• A chunk of chocolate (if ya like)

Slice the bananas and layer them over the top, then whip up your creme until it's nice and fluffy. Use a palate knife and a spoon to put an even layer of creme on top. Grate a bit of chocolate on top if you fancy it! 

That's pretty much it! You're ready to serve. I know it's a really simple recipe but that pie was honestly the best I've ever tasted, even if I do say so myself. Felt like I had to spread the word!!

Emma x

I'm in the mood for something lazy: Bloggers 411

So I went to the Harry Potter Studio Tour in Leavesden today, and OH MY GOD CAN I GET AN AWESOME? I'm going to write it all up at some point because I feel the need to get it all out. Until then, though, have a pointless miscellaneous quiz. Hooray. I think I'm going to tag it "About Me" as a kind of introduction post, because why the heck not. 

1. How long have you been blogging? And what got you started on blogging? Has your blog changed?

Quite a loaded question! My first 'blog' was a Windows Live Space blog, created April 2005, which sadly no longer exists, but I've quoted some of the best bits in my post here.

This blog itself began on the 24th September 2008, or at least that's when I seem to have first posted!

Why did I start a blog? The simple answer is that I can't really remember, but I imagine it had something to do with a) the fact that I like to write out things in order to organise my brain and b) most of my internet platforms had at least one person I knew on them and sometimes I needed...not that. 

Has my blog changed? I hope so! At least I hope my writing style has improved and the content has potentially improved a little too. It's still essentially just me rambling nonsensically at unexpected intervals.

2. Did you go to college? If so where, and what did you study?

Currently in progress! I'm studying English Lit at the University of York at the moment. Which is cool. I enjoy it.

(I sort of resent this question...it feels kind of elitist. But hey ho, shit happens.)

Seriously. This is my life.

3. Where have you travelled?

Ultimately I take no credit for where I've been lucky enough to travel, it's all down to my hardworking wonderful excellent parents, and occasionally sometimes me where I've funded myself. But basically I've been to France, Spain, Italy, Menorca, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Greece and America (DC, Philadelphia, NYC.)
Cool.   

4. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?

My parents' mortgages.
Then my student loans/rent.
Then I might actually do something fun with what's left :P

5. What are your 3 biggest pet peeves?

• People

6. What is your favorite movie?

Seriously big question! I honestly struggle to pick a favourite but here's my top 5 in no particular order:
- The King's Speech
- Love, Actually
- Back to the Future
- Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers
- Actually I think I'm gonna put The Avengers in here. Gah, that's HARD!

7. What is your drink of choice: wine, beer, or liquor? water, soda, or tea?

Of these categories, wine (rose and sweet and cheap thank you) and soda (cheeky 7up Free anybody?)
I'm generally speaking something of a cider girl.
Because I'm classy.

8. What is something you enjoy to do when you have me time?

Plough through another series of something Whedon online, or read something exciting off my reading list. Indulge in some carbohyrates or some chocolate. Get my duvet down on to the sofa. Yes please.

9. If you could have a $10,000 shopping spree to one store, which store would it be?

Wow...uh, that's hard! I really have no clue. I don't shop much. Honestly I'd probably say something like Tesco or Amazon so I could get lots of different things!

I'd spend most of it on books.

10. Share with us an embarrassing moment of your past. 

Too, too many to count! One that still sticks out in my mind is the time I got confused over a coda in Junior Wind Band, had to ask the conductor what was going on in front of everyone (embarrassing enough) AND THEN I started crying. In Wind Band. In front of everyone.
Sigh. 

11. What day would you love to relive again?

So many beautiful days that have happened in my life! Potentially the first time my friends and I got properly tipsy in one of my friend's back gardens. It was just an overwhelmingly happy time in my life.
No, wait! Perhaps it's one of the glorious sunny days I had with my friends when we holidayed in the South of France two years ago.
Or maybe seeing my dance class perform in a show last year. Actually, seeing the show choir club I helped out in perform, also last year.
Or maybe the day I got my A Level results and realised all my hard work had paid off.
Or this one time (I can't remember why) we sat in the park (I can't remember when) and it was perfect.
Or maybe just one of the casual laid back days I spent in the common room asleep/reading/talking/doing nothing.
Ohh, I don't know. TOO MANY. TOO HAPPY. 

12. If your life was turned into a movie... what actor would play you?

Um. I have no clue.

13. What are the jobs you had in high school/college/the early years?

College (University)
Campus shop
Local racecourse (waitressing...ish)
"High School"
Tesco
I spent a bit of time in a charity shop volunteering.
Also I spent 5 years...maybe 4...volunteering at the library every summer too.

Boom. 

14. Show us a picture from high school or college.

You all did it once.

Also this:

                           

I feel like these two pictures combined summarise my school experience. One minute you're happy as Larry, the next you are DYING OF STRESS.

15. If you could travel anywhere in the world, all expenses paid, where would you go?

Somewhere remote...like, empty. But with wifi. And food. And paper and pens.

16. Show us the most current picture of you, or your family, or anything of meaning to you.

What?! Harry Potter means something to me!
Also it was taken like, 4 hours ago so it's certainly current.

17. Where do you see your life 5 years from now?

If all goes to plan...qualified, employed, settled. Sound good?

Signs your child may be slightly psychotic.

I've spent the last week on holiday in rural northern France away from the internet...and also from people. As a result I've done some hardcore investigation of my hard drive, which has included the delights of old MSN conversations and hysterically bad novel attempts.

Best of all? I found a whopping 131 of those really awful "myspace surveys" saved in a random folder on my hard disk. I spent a thoroughly enjoyable two hours reading through them all and...well there was something slightly *odd* about my sense of humour back then. It's dark to the point of being actually quite scary, and the worst bit is I can't *quite* remember how serious I was. I never published any of this, by the way...so er, here's your exclusive, never-before-seen insight into Emma circa age thirteen.

24. What is your favorite joke?
Knock Knock
Whose there?
Fuck off.
(Bleurgh, my concept of grammar was almost as awful as my bizarre sense of humour.)

 Forgive or forget?
NEITHER.
REVENGE.
(...acceptable, I guess. Revenge doesn't have to be particularly violent or illegal or anything.)

2. Do you get along with your parent(s):
yes,
but i have evil thoughts at the same time.
(Evil thoughts. This is when I begin to wonder what the blazes was going through my brain circa 2006.)

8. Would you kill for chocolate on your period?
Nope I would kill in general
(And here comes psychotic murdering Emma.)

If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to tell you?
Suicide note.

Jokes, idk...with words?

(Hey, at least I admitted I was joking?)
5. What is your secret to lure in the opposite sex?
Die, they'll come to your funeral
(...)

What should we do with stupid people? 
Send them on vocational courses, and THEN shoot them.
(!!!)
{2} if you ever got the chance to practice cannibalism, would you?
Well. If it was socially acceptable I probably would.
CANNIBALISM, GUYS. MY THIRTEEN YEAR OLD SELF DID NOT FIND THE CONCEPT OF EATING HUMAN FLESH ACCEPTABLE. 

Ladies and gentlemen, signs your thirteen year old child might potentially grow up to become a serial killer. I did also show a few modicums of good sense though, aside from the terrifying and the morbid.

[Twenty-nine] Describe your life?
A fucking catastrophe I flipping LOVE it.
(Dramatic, admittedly, but I like even then I wasn't enormously bothered about having order and sensibleness in my life.)

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in junior school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

1. Everything you feared is true
2. You won't be what you want to be
3. But you'll be happy with it anyway
4. So keep on doing what yer doing :)
(I'd say now that yeah, you can actually be what you want to be. But being happy with your life and keeping doing what you're doing...good call, younger me.)
Aaaand I also showed some really terrible judgement:

62. Did you have a nap today?
I'm not FIVE , dude
Dear thirteen year old Emma. In a few years, you will discover free periods, comfy chairs and severe levels of stress due to your upcoming exams. After that, you'll hit university and discover that actually, sleeping at obscure times of the day is not just acceptable but very, very enjoyable. Then try and tell me that naps are only for five year olds.
I'm glad we're square on that one :)