Wednesday, 7 November 2012

(Elly if you still read this blog (unlikely) this is nothing to worry about x)

Bad news always takes you by surprise.
Like, there are always going to be bad things in life. And even if you've dealt with a very similar situation in the past it doesn't mean your hands are going to shake any less, or the silence is going to become any less oppressive, or you'll stop wanting to literally shrink into a tiny little ball of nothing so that the situation washes right over you.

Bad news traps you. It traps you right where you were when you heard it, and there's no way to escape from it.
It traps you so closely that eating the bowl of noodles on your lap feels like a violation. I can feel them there right now; they've stopped burning through my pyjamas because time has passed and they're cooling down.
Time passes.
You all pretend to be watching Daredevil.
Your hands shake less.

You still don't know what to do.
So you revert to what you used to do when you hated your work experience and you wanted time to pass. You switch off.

I should do something.

I've been here before.
I should do something.
It was different before.
I should still do something.
I shouldn't do something (much like last time it wasn't really my place) but someone should.

I guess we'll just watch Daredevil or something.

No comments: