Maths,

Math tells us of the 3 saddest love stories: Of parallel lines, who were never meant to meet. Of tangent lines, who were together once then parted forever. And of asymptotes, who could only get closer and closer, but never could be together.

I'm sorry,

it's cheesy. 

Oh God, Michael McIntyre is being so funny that I can't even continue. 

 

I'm ready now.

What I was going to write about is my inability to do mental maths. Embarrassing: today I accidentally punched in £50 instead of £5 meaning I had to do MENTAL MATHS. Which made my head hurt and I did it completely wrong and it was very embarrassing and I really. Couldn't. Do. It.

And then I felt bad! Because I'm clever, okay? I'm a genius. Potential Cambridge candidate over here, I just can't do maths. And then I felt like people were judging me for being stupid because a) I work in Tesco and b) I can't do numbers.

So if any of the (admittedly aged) inhabitants of Knowle are reading this...I'm clever. Ka?